I spent most of my life being the "reliable" one.
At work, I was the person finishing my tasks and immediately hunting for more—not because I was inspired, but because I was starving for a "good job" from upper management. I needed them to see me as valuable because, deep down, I wasn’t sure I was valuable without the output.
At home? I was a professional tongue-holder. I suppressed my needs to "keep the peace," but all I was really doing was training myself to disappear. I chased the white picket fence dream because that’s what we’re told "happiness" looks like. But when I got there? The house was quiet, but my mind was loud. The happiness wasn't there because happiness isn't a destination—it’s a mental cultivation.
The Boogeyman Under the Bed
Now, I’m unlearning. My motto for this year is simple but terrifying: What do I want?
It’s scary because behind people-pleasing is a massive, looming fear. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being "too much" or "different." Fear that if you stop being useful to everyone else, you’ll end up lonely.
But here is the truth: Choosing you—even if it frustrates, disappoints, or confuses others—is the only way to become your most authentic self.
The Sacral Chakra: Your Seat of Sovereignty
To understand why "What do I want?" feels so radical, we have to look at the Sacral Chakra (Svadhisthana). Located in your lower abdomen, just below the navel, this is the energetic home of your creativity, your emotions, and—most importantly—your pleasure.
The Energy of Flow vs. The Energy of Cages
The Sacral Chakra governs the element of water. It is designed to flow, to adapt, and to seek what feels good. However, when we are stuck in a cycle of extreme people-pleasing, this energy becomes stagnant.
- The "Caged" Sacral: When you suppress your needs to keep the peace, you effectively "freeze" your water. This leads to burnout, a lack of desire (in and out of the bedroom), and a feeling of being "stuck" in a life someone else designed for you.
- The "Empowered" Sacral: When you reclaim your right to pleasure, you unblock this center. Empowerment isn't just about "leading" others; it’s about having the sovereignty to lead yourself toward what lights you up.
Pleasure as a Political Act
For women, especially, we are taught that our value lies in our utility—how much we can do for our kids, our bosses, our partners. We are taught that pleasure is "extra" or "indulgent."
What if that narrative was just a ploy to keep you submissive? What if exploring your own pleasure—what actually feels good in your body and soul—had a ripple effect that empowered your entire community? When you move from being a "supporter" to being the lead in your own life, you aren't just helping yourself. You’re showing every woman around you that they can unlock their cage, too.
The Morning Ritual: Reclaiming Your "Yes"
Unlearning people-pleasing isn't just a mental shift; it’s a physical one. To shift out of "service mode" and back into your own body, try this 2-minute morning ritual with our Sexy & I Know It Sacral Body Oil.
- Warm the Oil: Take a few drops of the Sexy & I Know It oil (the Ylang Ylang and Jasmine are instant mood-shifters) and warm them between your palms.
- The Sacral Seal: Place your hands over your lower abdomen (just below the navel).
- The Affirmation: Take a deep breath and say: "My pleasure is not a luxury; it is my compass."
- The Glow: Massage the oil into your skin, focusing on the sensation. Notice how it feels to touch your own body with the intention of nourishment, not just "getting ready" for the world.
When you smell like Jasmine and feel like velvet, it’s a lot harder for the world to convince you that you’re meant to be small.
Join Us: Sacral Sanctuary
If you’re ready to stop "people-pleasing" and start "soul-pleasing," we're hosting something special.
On February 7, we’re gathering for Sacral Sanctuary, a one-day mini-wellness retreat designed to get you back into your body and your power. We’ll be diving into:
- Somatic Movement with Sam (Embodied Resonance) to move that stagnant "peace-keeping" energy out of your muscles.
- Sex Trivia & Wellness with Dr. Litner (Embrace Sexual Wellness) to reclaim the conversation around pleasure.
- Sacral Alignment tools to help you finally answer the question: What do I want?
Grab your ticket to Sacral Sanctuary here
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